Spencer King with his dad, Scott King, 2018
Dear Friends,
On August 15th my son, Spencer King, passed away unexpectedly. We don't yet know the details of his passing.
I am devastated, forever changed. There are no words that can explain the depth of this loss. He was 29 and a beautiful caring man.
We had a soulful ceremony with family over a three-day period preparing him for his cremation transition by crowning him with flowers, crystals, stories, photos and objects that carried significance.
I am back at work after being out for 10 days. It was difficult coming into work, but being here is healthy for me, much better than staring at my walls at home. You, my friends, neighbors, associates, coworkers, and the important job I do here, are all very dear to me. I love and am very supported by my coworkers here at the Sebastopol Senior Center. I treasure my work bringing together the LGBT+ community, and helping seniors who no longer drive, get to their doctor appointments with our team of volunteer drivers.
I just started working with the grief counselor to help me navigate my deep grief. The folks at Hospice are experts at this and apparently there is something called "Grief Education." It is very important for me to learn more about this.
It is difficult when folks don't yet know, and they ask me, "how are you?"
I can't just say “fine.” No, I am not fine, and I want everyone to know that Spencer lived and was a tender loving soul, my son. I loved Spencer deeply and I still do love him, and I always will. Spencer loved his family, loved his friends and he loved his two dogs, Bowser and Rafi. He loved camping and going to music festivals, crystals and making necklaces from bended wire and precious stones. He loved growing his wireless business, sushi and celebrating his and other’s birthdays. He loved all the Harry Potter books. Spencer was working on his dreams of acquiring a piece of land and building a home.
I offer a little coaching here on what to say to someone who is grieving a big loss. The best you can do is say something like "There are no words,"
or "My heart breaks with you,"
or “Every bit of my heart goes out to you in this moment.”
One friend just gave me a big hug and let me sob on her shoulder. When we parted, she just looked me in the eyes and nodded. No words. I could tell she understood my pain, I felt it in my heart that she understood, and no words were needed. Later in the day, she said her husband had died, so she knew what I was going through.
I know I will forever grieve my son's passing, but I also know he wants me to continue to participate in this world, living life, bringing together community, and helping others.
It's so hard, but my son's spirit told me "I am ok dad" and I told him I would be ok too. Though it will take a long while, and I will never be the same.
Spencer and I visiting a crystal fair, holding up what we had purchased.
Father's Day photo from 2014.
As a side note,
Spencer's aunt has organized a GoFundMe to help Spencer’s mom in this trying time. If you want to help out, here's the link to her GoFundMe
https://www.gofundme.com/f/babxy-nadia-alsamarrie
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